This past week I fell in love with Charleston, the most charming coastal city with magical trees, secret gardens, friendly locals, and good food.

Sights included: The Battery, Rainbow Row, Charleston City Market, King Street, Angel Oak Tree, Boone Hall Plantation

“Charleston has a landscape that encourages intimacy and partisanship. I have heard it said that an inoculation to the sights and smells of the Carolina lowcountry is an almost irreversible antidote to the charms of other landscapes, other alien geographies. You can be moved profoundly by other vistas, by other oceans, by soaring mountain ranges, but you can never be seduced. You can even forsake the lowcountry, renounce it for other climates, but you can never completely escape the sensuous, semitropical pull of Charleston and her marshes.”

— Pat Conroy

For a long time, I didn’t write. Not because I didn’t love writing or wasn’t itching to scribble my thoughts on paper, but because I was afraid. I was afraid of cracking open my heart and finding something I didn’t know was there; I was intimidated by all the truly great writers; I was afraid of stepping out from behind a perfected version of myself that I tried to cultivate. But most of all, I was afraid of how people might respond. I was scared that as soon as I posted my thoughts or inadequacies or stories, a Bible-beating Christian would step out from behind his or her corner of the Internet and hurl disparaging comments and insults and contrary passages of Scripture my way. I was afraid of this because I was seeing it happen everywhere. On blogs, Facebook, website storefronts, Christians are belittling other Jesus-followers while declaring that their parenting ways or political beliefs or church principles are wrong and shameful and disturbing.

Eventually I felt like a boiling pot filled with too much water, and I overcame some of my fears about writing, but because I think the best kind of writing comes from a place of honesty, there will always be a deep sense of vulnerability when it comes to this little space. But I don’t think we should have to be afraid of our brothers and sisters in Christ when it comes to opening up our hearts in writing or speaking or preaching. Remember this post? “They ‘had everything in common’ not because their clothes were similar or they lived in the same neighborhood or had kids the same age, but they had everything in common because they responded to the gospel the same way. Because Christ's death and resurrection changed them.” We should strive to have this kind of unity.

And I know I’m only a 23-year old girl stumbling through the everyday, and I have so much to learn about life and people and the power of words, but here’s what I think.

I think it’s healthy to have debates laced with gentleness and kindness and grace. There will always be differing opinions and arguments over theology and feminism and politics; this is good and important. But I also think that any time we allow our “belief system” to disrupt the Gospel’s proclamation, we need to re-evaluate what we believe and why we believe it.  Because Jesus, His death and resurrection, His love and mercy and grace, He should be our belief system. He’s not a bullet point on a list of what makes us Christian. Jesus plus nothing equals everything. Without the Good News of Jesus, we are just a bunch of rule-following Pharisees ignoring the name of the Messiah while promoting our own agendas. 

I realize that we are imperfect creatures wrought with sinfulness, but what if, instead of being seen as great debaters of theology and semantics and ancient Greek, we were seen as a people who are madly, head-over-heels in love with our Savior? What if we stopped harshly bringing each other down and started loving each other without contingencies-- like a big, dysfunctional family? What if we sang loudly and had a choir of harmonizing voices behind us, screaming encouragement that yes, the Name of Jesus is worth being proclaimed! We wouldn't be singing with identical voices or the same notes, but with the unifying intent to glorify the One who brought us from death to life. 

Now that would be something to talk about, something resembling the unity God wants His church to have.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. –John 17:20-23

1. Bittersweet // Shauna Niequist

“Everybody has a home team: It’s the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It’s the people who, near or far, know everything that’s wrong with you and love you anyways. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they’re at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people.” 

2. Rebecca // Daphne Du Maurier

“If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.” 

3. Redeeming Love // Francine Rivers

“Love is the way back into Eden. It is the way back to life.” 

4. The Traitor's Wife // Allison Pataki

“I suppose the true test of character comes when facing life’s harshest blows and disappointments. When things don’t turn out how you had hoped they would, do you grow bitter? Spiteful? Blame others and spread your misery? Or do you keep your head high and walk with grace, meeting the struggles which God has placed in your path?” 

5. You and Me Forever // Francis and Lisa Chan

"Sometimes people are paralyzed by fear of failure. They are so afraid that they might do the wrong thing that they do nothing. We need to learn to err on the side of action, because we tend to default to negligence." 

View past reading lists here.

I want to start by saying that I am not, by any means, a good cook. But I was feeling brave that day. I was scrolling through The Pioneer Woman’s website because I have never disliked a recipe I have found on there. That girl knows what she’s doing. So when I came across a recipe titled “Spicy Whiskey BBQ Sliders,” I was sold by its sheer contrasting nature to my usual dishes.

It started out well. I diced and cooked the onions and formed the patties. Then it came time to add the whiskey. I was cooking on a gas stove, and I knew to turn off the stovetop while I poured the small amount of whiskey in the pan because open flame + alcohol sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Also I read the directions. So I poured and then turned the stove back on. That’s when I knew something went wrong.

I looked down and giant flames were emerging from the frying pan right in front of me. I panicked and screamed and Kevin ran in the kitchen while I picked up the pan. For some reason my first instinct was to throw the flaming pan off the deck while yelling, “Fire in the hole!” but Kevin, full of absurdly rational thinking, advised against this. He said that you were supposed to put baking soda on the flame or something, so I held the flaming pan that I was sure was going to burn our rental house kitchen down while he searched for this magical baking soda.

He never did find the baking soda.

And that’s how we burned our second rental house down.

Kidding. The flame eventually died down and I finished cooking the burgers, which were actually really delicious.

But I learned a few lessons that day:

1.  Don’t trust Kevin to find anything in our cabinets at a moment’s notice.
2.  We should really buy a fire extinguisher.
3.  A flame eventually dies when there is nothing to keep it going.

We are accustomed to hearing about fires in the Bible, often with negative connotations involving hell and fiery furnaces and rains of fire on cities filled with sinfulness. But what about the places where fire is seen as good? What about in Deuteronomy when it says the Lord your God is a consuming fire? What about when we sing that we want the Lord to kindle a fire down in our souls that we can’t contain and can’t control? And remember the time when Paul urges followers of Christ to continue in boldness and fan into flame the gift of God?

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:6-7

Hmm. Fan into flame the gift of God. My understanding is that Paul is talking about spiritual gifts here. And apparently he wants us to cultivate and kindle those flames of gifts. Paul urges us to keep the flames going strong. 

I have kind of always thought of myself as a Renaissance woman. Not in a haughty, good-at-everything type of way, but in an I'm-okay-at-a-significant-list-of-things way. However, I’ve never thought I am really great at any one thing. I have never experienced that Aha! moment, and I didn’t give much thought about what my spiritual gift(s) might be. I never took the “spiritual gift quiz” in youth group, and I always kind of assumed that people who declared their spiritual gifts were just looking for ways to feel better about themselves (obviously I was skipping over some parts of the Bible).

Over the past few weeks, I’ve heard and read a lot about spiritual gifts. At first I thought it was purely coincidental, but then it started to feel like God yelling at me to pay attention (I can be pretty stubborn, so sometimes He communicates above a “gentle whisper” with my hard-headed self). I read parts of the Bible about God giving His followers various spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12) and read stories of people implementing their God-given gifts in everyday life. So maybe pastors and teachers and writers aren’t just trying to make us feel better when they speak and teach and write about spiritual gifts, I realized. The Lord opened my eyes to see how He has so divinely orchestrated and gifted talents in each of us, and they shouldn’t be ignored or taken for granted; spiritual gifts should be boldly celebrated and embraced.

So I broke down and took the somewhat cheesy spiritual gifts quiz online. It was 100 questions (which I did not know going into it) because apparently they really wanted to get inside my brain and make me feel like I was taking a midterm.

I had no idea what my results were going to be. I half-expected the outcome to say, “You have zero spiritual gifts. Please try again.” To which I would reply, “You’re not the boss of me!” while slamming my laptop shut and sulking while eating a gallon of salted caramel ice cream.

Instead, the website on my computer screen read, “Wisdom, Knowledge, Teaching” in that order. (Insert look of confusion and creeping-in pride).

But then I thought about how flip-flopped everything is in the kingdom of God and my pride, along with my confusion, quickly evaporated. To be exalted you must be humbled (1 Peter 5:6), to be wise you must be foolish (1 Corinthians 3:18), to be knowledgeable you should know "nothing except Jesus Christ and Him crucified" (1 Corinthians 2:2).

I’m not saying a spiritual gifts quiz is 100% accurate or trustworthy, but I do think we should notice how we can best contribute to the kingdom of God and go do it often. We should share stories and encourage constantly because a flame grows weaker when it’s not being kindled. We should use what the Lord has given us to love Him and to love one another and to advance His kingdom. He has gifted each of us in the body of Christ uniquely for the glory of His Name, and I don’t want to miss out on giving Him my best.

I want my flame to contribute to the raging fire. 

The perfect playlist as we wind through mountains on backroads, sip our pumpkin lattes and apple ciders, and dance in the multicolored leaves.

1. Hallelujah // Sam Heilig

2. I Forget Where We Were // Ben Howard

3. Mountain Sound // Of Monsters and Men

4. Old Flame // Matt Wertz

5. American Beauty // Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors

6. Riser // Steve Moakler

7. Black Coffee in Bed // Ernie Halter

8. Daydream // Jilllian Edwards

9. Walls // The Inlaws

10. Flowers in Your Hair // The Lumineers

View past soundtracks here.

Our dog is a spastic little brown and white beagle named Copper. He has big green eyes, floppy ears that he likes to chew on, and freckled legs. The list of things he is afraid of is lengthy and ridiculous: boxes, brooms, screen doors, vacuum cleaners, leaf blowers, swiffers, and all forms of water, just to name a few. He likes playing tug-of-war, going on long walks, eating sticks, laying in patches of sunshine, and running around in circles through our kitchen/living room. And if you’ve ever met Copper, you know that he loves people more than anything else in the world.

Copper is so attached to humans that he has a significant fear of missing out; if we go outside or leave the house, he watches out the window until we come back, which is often cute and often annoying.

I sometimes think that the disciples felt similar to an over-attached pup whose owner has just left when Jesus says He's leaving earth, except an obvious deeper sense of immediate loss and loneliness and disappointment. Can you imagine walking the streets with your Savior and Teacher one day, rejoicing over everything He has done and said, and then finding out He is leaving? I would cry in confusion and anger and sorrow. But then, as usual, Jesus goes and says something crazy:

Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. –John 16:7

I would love to go back in time and see the disciples’ reactions, but I imagine it went something like this: Did Jesus just say that it was better if He goes away? How is that even possible? He is the Messiah, the Redeemer, the Christ. He embodies everything that is good and perfect and holy. This doesn’t make any sense!

If I’m being honest, I often forget the power of the Holy Spirit. I used to be weirdly jealous of all of the people who were able to walk beside Jesus and learn from His teachings and live everyday life alongside Him. My thoughts were: we may have plumbing and cars in the 21st century, but we don’t have GOD HIMSELF WALKING THE STREETS. We don’t have multitudes literally following Him and we can’t hear His actual voice. But then I started to gain a deeper understanding of the Holy Spirit.

When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. –John 16:13-14

I’m no longer jealous of people from Biblical times because I have experienced and learned about the significance and influence of the Spirit of the Lord dwelling inside of me. We, as followers of Jesus, have His spirit as a remarkable and beautifully intricate gift. The Spirit guides and convicts and teaches us in a way that only God could do. It kind of blows my mind.

I’m really glad we don’t have to feel like an over-attached pup whose owner left him alone. Because we are the opposite from alone.