Ignoring the Weeds

All of the women in my family have beautiful gardens—filled with little white roses and pink peonies and big, blue hydrangea bushes. In the past, they’ve grown giant okra and watermelon and eight-foot-tall sunflowers. There’s usually an endless supply of fresh flowers and blooming, climbing jasmine.
 
I, however, did not inherit their green thumb. I love the idea of having a flower-filled garden. In this ideal garden, I could wander out and trim roses to put in a vase on the dinner table, or watch the ivy and jasmine climb up the side of the house, making our little brick house look more beautiful with every bud.
 
In this scenario, I would also always have an empty laundry basket and be able to fly.
 
But the thing is: I hate gardening. I do not enjoy working in the yard in 90-degree weather (which it almost always is in Alabama). It’s not that I don’t enjoy the outdoors-- I do. Laying by the pool? I could do that all day. Playing fetch with our pup in the backyard? Give me a tennis ball. Reading outside in the shade on our daybed? Yes, please. I love going on hikes and watching the sun set.
 
But pulling weeds while dripping sweat and throwing them in an orange bucket? No thank you. My allergies do not help with the matter. I get all itchy and sniffling and angry.
 
Kevin does yard work regularly and selflessly. I love him and resent him for it. He had been gently reminding me that I was in charge of the flowerbeds for a few weeks, and I had been gently ignoring him.
 
To be honest, I’m pretty good at ignoring things that I don’t want to deal with. The other day, Kevin returned from his work trip and immediately asked about the oversized limb that had fallen off the tree in our front yard.
 
“When did that limb fall?” he asked.
 
“Huh. I didn’t notice it there.” I replied.
 
“How do you not notice a giant limb in the literal middle of the yard?”
 
“I don’t know. I just didn’t see it.”
 
I have supernatural powers when it comes to ignorance.


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So it’s no surprise that I didn’t put too much thought into the fact that our rose bush was dying at a rapid rate or notice the bright green shoots of weeds that were slowly conquering the flowerbeds.
 
But one Saturday morning I vowed to pull weeds to save my husband’s sanity. I changed into my tank and workout pants, turned on Johnnyswim Pandora on my iPhone, and pulled on my pink gardening gloves. I headed out with my bucket and began to tackle the worst of the beds.
 
It was overwhelming at first. The weeds were lined up like a small army, row after row, staring me down by their infinite numbers. But one by one, I started pulling.
 
Some of them were easy to pull up, and I hardly had to exert effort. But some were rooted deeply, like they were holding on with tight fists to the small patch of earth they inhabited. Some of the weeds were disguised as little flowers, and they almost convinced me to keep them around. Almost, but not quite.
 
Most of them gathered around the bases of the bushes, slowly trying to overtake them completely. This army of weeds wanted to be the star of the flowerbeds, and they wanted to kill everything in its path of domination.
 
And weed by weed, I was defending my little landscape, filling up bucket after bucket of the pesky invaders.
 
I had let it go on too long, I told myself.
 
Much like my sins, I had ignored them and they were multiplying rapidly. They were disguising themselves as being good, like the little purple flowers, but they were really trying to overtake anything that was good.
 
Like selfishness or jealousy or bitterness, they were taking root and gripping on tightly-- and one by one, I finally had to face them head-on.
 
I was pulling weeds, thinking about sins and Jesus and eternity, when I heard a voice right behind me and I jumped three feet in the air.
 
I was so busy thinking about weeds and sins and analogies, I hadn’t noticed my neighbor walking up the driveway.
 
Darn you once again, blissful ignorance.
 
I chatted with my neighbor briefly and vowed to myself to stop ignoring and start noticing. I thought about the truth in The Screwtape Letters, when the demon Screwtape comments to his trainee, Wormwood:

“It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: In reality our best work is done by keeping things out.” 
 
Blissful ignorance.
 
Satan wants to keep us out of churches; he wants to keep us away from the hurting and heartaches surrounding us. And that sin that keeps popping up in your life? He wants you to ignore it, to push it deep down until you no longer even think about it as sinful. The devil is rooting for us to ignore the weeds in our lives, wanting us to be overtaken without realizing it's happening.
 
But the more we ignore the weeds, the more they multiply and the deeper they take root. We have to address our sins and notice when we stray off the path of Jesus, even slightly. We must constantly confess our selfishness and inadequacies, remaining open to delight in His merciful love. 
 
We must face those weeds head-on with our orange buckets in hand, and then allow God to uproot them.



Insecurities & Jonah

There’s a place on the way to the beach called Tin Top Café. I’ve never eaten there, but it looks like one of those wonderful hole-in-the-wall restaurants that people boast about frequenting. It’s a little run down, like it’s been in that middle-of-nowhere stretch of highway for ages. The thing I like most about it, though, is the sign out front.

It reads, “Tin Top Café. Good food.”

It’s simple and a little sassy. I like that.

I like that it’s not claiming to be anything that it’s not. The restaurant doesn’t claim to have the best coffee or service or atmosphere. It just says, “Hey, we have good food. Take it or leave it.”

It seems they are completely secure in their identity, and I’m a little jealous of that.

Too often, my insecurities follow me around like a small herd of stray cats. They want to be fed with more fear and jealousy and people-pleasing. I’ve tried kicking them out and I’ve tried praying them away. But these insecurities show up persistently and relentlessly, begging to be kept around a little longer in my heart.

I hate that. It makes me feel like I’m not as strong as other believers—not as bold or secure in my standing with God. I tell myself that I’m clinging to humility and meekness, but then I look at the Gospel and my life doesn’t line up. I look at Jesus and I find myself feeling more and more like Jonah, running away from God’s beckoning call.

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I recently reread Jonah, this Bible story that I grew up knowing by heart. I could hardly make it through, though, because I was crying those ugly tears and they kept blurring my vision. I was reading and crying while the TODAY show was on in the background. Al Roker was talking about the weather in Orlando and my dog kept looking at me confusedly, like “What the heck is wrong with you?”

God keeps messing up my tidy little life. . . THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME, COPPER.

But the story hit me harder than ever before, because I saw myself so clearly as Jonah. God called him to go to Ninevah, a city filled with evil and strife. But Jonah knew that God might show up big-time there, that He might forgive the people of Ninevah despite their wickedness and prevailing sins. Or maybe he even feared for his life, which doesn’t seem all that crazy to me.

Jonah was full of fear and insecurity about the Lord’s commands, so he ran. He boarded a ship, but God made a storm. He was thrown overboard, but God gave him a whale. Jonah cried out to God, and He answered. He always does. When the whale spit Jonah on dry land, he finally followed God’s command. Jonah was so angry about God’s forgiveness of the wicked people that he just wanted to die. But God kept saving him. The Lord poured out compassion even when he didn’t want it.

I saw myself as Jonah because I am filled with fear in stepping out into the wildness that is the full grace of God. I saw myself as Jonah because I’ve tried to be holy and perfect, but God keeps knocking down barriers and handing out mercy to the least deserving. I saw myself as Jonah because I keep finding myself in the belly of a whale, desperate and insecure, and God keeps showing up anyway.

But I also saw myself as the people of Ninevah, sitting in sackcloth and ashes and begging God for forgiveness. I think their part of the story hit me the hardest. Because when you’re at the end of your rope and you realize your sins, what choice do you have but to come to the throne in desperation and ashes, crying out, “Who knows? God may turn and relent and turn from His fierce anger, so that we may not perish” (3:9).

The Lord is so full of extravagant mercy, y’all. I just can’t wrap my mind around it. God’s relentless pursuit of us is unnerving and ridiculous, wild and unruly. His love is crazy good.

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There’s one part of the story that I haven’t addressed yet, and I think it might be my favorite part. After Jonah boarded the boat that was headed to Tarshish and the storm rose up to a scary level, the crew of the ship found Jonah beneath the deck. They angrily told Jonah to “call out to [his] god” to save them. The crew obviously did not believe in this God that Jonah served, but they were desperate. When they found out that Jonah was the reason for the storm, they hurled him into the sea after agreeing they were out of options. The storm ceased immediately, and the crew was amazed. In Jonah 1:16, it says, “Then the men feared the Lord exceedingly, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows.”

How amazing is that? Jonah wasn’t supposed to be there, on that boat, in the midst of a storm. In fact, he was directly defying the Lord’s commands. But God cannot be limited, and He used this interruption for His glory anyways.

Not only did God reveal Himself to Jonah and the 120,000+ people of Ninevah, but He also showed up to the crew of the boat- the very boat that Jonah was using to flee the Lord. I think that’s incredibly reassuring. Not that we should defy the Lord’s commands, but that He’s there when we mess up.

He can use any circumstance for His glory. The Lord is not limited by kings or countries, timing or timidity, lands or seas.

I’m going to keep praying for bravery, for the removal of the unholy kind of fear and insecurities. I'm going to keep stepping in the direction of faith and boldness. But I’m also going to rest in the assurance that God is going to keep showing up anyway— no matter if I’m confident in my calling or in the belly of a whale. 



How Do You Answer the Hard Questions About God?

We have all these thoughts about God.

There’s the Old Testament Wrathful-God and the New Testament Servant-God and the God we imagine when we pray. There’s the Father-God we seek to please, and the Friend-God we search out in tough times, and the Creator-God we imagine as we watch the sun set or notice the way birds fly in a V.

For many years, I tried to fit God in a box. Like trying to slip on a pair of shoes a few sizes too small. Like attempting to wriggle in a pair of jeans from fifth grade. I was trying to bottle the sun.

I don’t know—I guess I had put certain labels on God and I thought I had figured Him out. A stranger or friend would say something about my God and I would argue or agree, thinking I knew Him pretty well because of all of the time we had spent together.

And I do know Him, but at the same time—I don’t.

He’s so much bigger and better and holier than my imagination can handle. He’s too perfect to fit into the English language, too good to be described. He has too much love for us to bear.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m a word person, through and through. I love that we can compare the Lord to a Father and Shepherd and Teacher. I love that we can imagine His love as being wider than the heavens and deeper than the sea. I could write about His characteristics and mercies for hours in analogies and metaphors and lists.

But I don’t ever want to believe that’s all there is to our Savior. I think there’s so much more to Him than we will ever understand this side of heaven. When I really meditate on this God, I am completely blown away. To me, the only appropriate response is awe and surrender—even in the little I know about Him.

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There are a lot of people who try to completely understand this God before they agree to serve Him, and I think they will forever be emptying the sea with an eyedropper. They will go in circles a thousand times—trying to comprehend the incomprehensible. 

They will continue to ask, “Why would a good God allow bad things to happen?” or “How could a loving God send people to hell?”

These are big, weighty thoughts. These tough questions keep them up at night, tossing and turning and pacing. People bear these questions as burdens and point to them as reasons to turn away from Jesus.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think these questions need to be answered in clear and systematic lists. I used to try to answer this way—in cohesive arguments and reasoning. I would point to the glory of God and His righteousness; I was trying to will the blind to see, little by little. And maybe there’s a time and place to respond in this manner, but I don’t do it anymore.

Now I just simply say,

“I don’t know. But He is so good.”

“I don’t know, but He has so much love for us.”

“I have seen His goodness, I have felt His love, and I have experienced His grace.”

At some point I stopped trying to give all the answers and started trusting that He has all of the answers.

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There’s no math equation that will equal God (Thank heavens because I can't solve a math problem TO SAVE MY LIFE). There’s no picture that will sum up His attributes, no word vast enough to describe His goodness. No amount of earthly intelligence can comprehend the infiniteness of the Almighty. No one can explain Him away or put Him in a box.

All I know is that this mighty, holy, dangerous, and incomprehensible God is real and alive and good. I’m okay with not understanding all of His ways, because He is perfect and I am not. He is omniscient and I am not. He exists beyond the boundaries of time and space and I, most definitely, do not. 

At first I thought my inability to completely understand God and all of His plans was incredibly frustrating. But then I saw the peace and hope in this. This shouldn’t stop us from seeking to know Him, but encourage us all the more.

To me, it’s a soothing fact—we don’t have to understand everything about Him; we just have to trust Him. It takes the pressure off, loosens the chains, and continuously brings us to our knees in worship. We are compelled to a childlike faith and dependency in its truest and purest form.

We don’t have all of the answers, but our Father does. 

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‘Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion.’ ‘Ooh’ said Susan. ‘I’d thought he was a man. Is he- quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.’

’Safe?’ said Mr. Beaver… ‘Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.’
— C.S. Lewis (The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe)

WANT MORE JESUS TALK AND A LITTLE EXTRA ENCOURAGEMENT STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX? 


Alex FlySeekingComment
The Things She Loved
Quote Source // Lettering by Alex Fly

Quote Source // Lettering by Alex Fly

The way she talked about the things she loved made the whole room turn to see what shone.
— Atticus

I came across this quote a few weeks ago and it immediately struck a chord with me, a way-down-to-the-core kind of impact. I hand-lettered the words over and over and thought about the girl in the quote and the girl I want to be.

There are a lot of things I love: calligraphy and coffee, photography and writing and my dog. I love marriage and Instagram and the start of a new day. I could talk about books for hours on end or sit in a coffee shop to watch stories unfold.

I think a lot of my loves come from God, and a lot of them from myself.

But at the end of the day, I hope I radiate His love, to the depths of my being.

I hope my loves reflect His

like a daughter imitating her Father,

like a student imitating the great Instructor,

like a musician playing the Composer’s song.

Part III: 3 Days in Rome

After sadly parting ways with our travel buddies as they headed to Scotland, Kevin and I dragged our suitcases to the airport once again, this time toward our last European destination: Rome.

Our first day there was spent wandering her graffiti-filled streets, walking by the Roman Forum, past the statues of famous Caesars and stopping for espresso and spaghetti. We ate gelato by the Trevi Fountain, watching people throw coins and make wishes while our gelato melted in the hot sun.

We walked up the Spanish Steps and into the Church of Monti, marveling at the beauty and history and crowds of people.

Eventually we made our way to a pizzeria for dinner, walking through the park by the Colosseum in the golden light. There were dark-skinned Italian boys playing soccer on pavement and couples making out on park benches, tall trees and ancient ruins littered between them.

We ate fried mozzarella and crispy, delicious pizza while the sun was setting. I alternated between exclaiming, “Ciao!” and “Grazie!” which seemed sufficient communication when said with a smile.

Our mornings were spent slowly at the pasticerrias, sipping cappuccinos and eating croissants, watching men with names like Lucca Fasoli and Rafaeli Bordoni have conversations in Italian. They all smoked cigarettes while sipping their cappuccinos and talked animatedly with their hands and rode vespas while wearing suits.

We took the bus tour to Vatican City and walked on the bridge over Tiber River, following crowds through the museums. I was amazed at the detail and marble, the magnificent ceilings and grandiosity of the Sistine Chapel. There was not a single corner of the Vatican that wasn’t beautiful.

At St. Peter’s Basilica, the same grounds where Peter was crucified upside down and believed to be buried deep underneath, we walked the narrow, curvy stairs to the top and looked out over Rome, winded and relieved.

After a tour of the Roman Colosseum where we learned about the hunting games, executions, nautical wars, and the gladiator battles that took place there, we saw Mamertine Prison. We walked the same steps of Paul and prayed to the same God. We walked through the Pantheon and Roman Crypts, strolled past parks filled with beautiful white flowers and people playing with dogs. 

Our last day in Italy we had a late flight but an early checkout. Being just young and dumb enough, we decided last minute to rent a smartcar and drive down the Italian coast. We stopped at Ostia Antica, glimpsing a castle and exploring the ancient city. We stopped for café lattes and snacks, sitting in the midst of the tall trees and ruins.

We ate ravioli overlooking the ocean and watched Italian boys windsurf before jumping back in our tiny car and heading back to the airport.

I learned that Rome is ancient and captivating, like a beautiful great-grandmother with a radiant smile. Her wrinkles and ruins tell her stories and sing her songs—of great legends and loves and lunatics, Caesars and saviors and civil wars. Rome stands like a testament to time and history and civilization, but most importantly to the God who has ruled over it all. 

Kevin's favorite spots: St. Peter's Basilica, every café

Alex's favorite spots: The Colosseum, Vatican Museums (THE CEILINGS!)

Places we ate (which were all delicious): 

  • Breakfast: Panella, Bar Fondi (all of the cafés are called bars)
  • Lunch: La Base (touristy but still yummy), Ristorante Mamafló (on the coast)
  • Dinner: Li Rioni, Ristorante Alessio, Il Tettarello

Read Part One of our Europe trip here (London). 

Read Part Two of our Europe trip here (Southern Ireland).

See Brittany's awesome video of our trip here.

Part II: 3 Days in Southern Ireland

We welcomed the slower pace of Ireland, driving the narrow roads carefully and stopping often. We circled the Ring of Kerry through Killarney National Park and wandered through the gardens & grounds of Muckross House, then pulled off at Ladies View to admire the scenery. We drove the rental car down Inch beach and hid from the strong winds, amazed and cold.

After arriving at our airbnb in the cutest little town of Dingle, we walked past the rows of colorful shops and pubs to the end of town for firewood and chocolate and gathered at the pub for a typical Irish dinner.

I slept in late and woke up to the sounds of sheep in our backyard. We lingered by the fire, sipping french press coffee before heading out through the blue door with overgrown ivy to the field behind our flat. The cows and the sheep immediately scattered upon our arrival, while the most beautiful white horse trotted our way. We called her a unicorn and fed her Nutri-Grain bars. 

Once again we loaded in the car, this time for a drive around the Dingle Peninsula, following signs for Slea Head Drive. We stopped more times than I can count, walking around the Beehive Huts and roadsides for incredible views of the dark cliffs and teal water. We saw one of the oldest Christian churches at Gallarus Oratory and climbed rocks by a random boat dock. We stopped at hole-in-the-wall cafés to sip coffee and eat potatoes and buy postcards. 

After learning about the current filming of Star Wars (Episode 8) on the Dingle Peninsula, we researched and followed google maps up to the set location. We got as close as possible, driving through the recently constructed houses for the cast and crew, while noticing the big cranes and metal ramps and village huts used for the set. We asked the security guard if anyone had ever tried sneaking up there in a cow suit, not that we were considering it or anything.

We walked through a field of sheep and played in the ruins of a castle called Rahinanne, which we quickly renamed Rihanna castle without hesitation. We drove to Conor Pass and lingered at the best views before spending the last night in Dingle by eating delicious homemade ice cream at Murphy's and wandering the cobblestone streets.

Once we made our way to Dublin, the boys dropped off me and Brittany at the beach outside the city for a fun bridal photoshoot. We ran late and asked sweet locals for bus directions (while looking like crazy, lost Americans) and finally met up with the boys for a musical pub crawl, where we listened to traditional Irish music and watched loud Irish dancing, tapping our feet to the music in the crowded pubs.  

I fell in love with Ireland all over again-- with her little yellow flowers and incredible views and farmlands woven together like a patchwork quilt, dotted with sheep and old farmhouses and deteriorating stone walls. Maybe it's the rosy-cheeked locals or the ridiculous, beautiful aspects of God's creation, but I think Ireland has always been the kind of place that welcomes you with open arms-- allowing you to be part of her wonky patchwork, if only for a little while. 

Kevin's favorite spots: Dingle Peninsula, Downtown Dingle & Musical Pub Crawl

Alex's favorite spots: Conor Pass, Exploring Downtown Dingle

Read Part One of our Europe trip here (London). 

Read Part Three of our Europe trip here (Rome).

See Brittany's awesome video of our trip here.